This blog is for DPC members AND their friends! Give our ‘Mother’s Day Survival Guide’ a read and find out our own top tips for Motherless children and how friends can help make these days a little less painful!
We recorded a podcast last week on all things MOTHER’S DAY – and other stuff like Ricky Gervais’ new series ‘After Life’ and recent DPC/personal news that you may or may not find interesting.
So the topic for our podcast came to light because of the awesome messages we’ve received from a few of you.
Let’s face it – the impending dread of Mother’s Day this was bound to be a frequent topic of conversation.
The thing is, Mother’s Day is just one of numerous dates across the year that kick us in the teeth. Their birthday, your birthday, Christmas, death anniversaries, wedding anniversaries, children’s birthdays, family weddings, family parties. Basically any day that triggers some sort of emotional connection.
However, it does get easier. I can safely say (3.5 years down the line) that I don’t want to stab my eyes out quite so much every time I see a “I Love My Mum” or “Thanks For Everything You Do For Me, Mum” card. And my heart actually hurts a little less.
YOUR MOTHER’S DAY SURVIVAL GUIDE
Every single person on your social media is going to be professing their love to their for their Mum on Sunday. It will be everywhere. You know you best. So if you think this is going to trigger you then I would probably try and avoid going on for the majority of the day!
HOWEVER, if you want to post about your Mum. DO IT! Just because she’s dead it doesn’t mean she’s no longer your Mum and you’re no longer her daughter. Go for it! You’re completely allowed to express how you’re feeling. Take the opportunity to say how much you miss her and how much you appreciated her. Don’t feel like you’re no longer ‘allowed’ to do it.
THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN
You might not have had a great relationship with your Mum in which case Mother’s Day probably feels a bit odd for you. No one knows how you feel about it but you. But if you want to express those thoughts/difficulties with people then do it! There’s always someone who will listen.
WRITE YOUR THOUGHTS DOWN
Personally, I love to write my thoughts down. If expressing yourself on social media isn’t really your style then why not try and say it with words in private? It might give you some comfort knowing what you would say to them if they were here.
DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT
Do whatever the hell you want. Do whatever feels right to you! If you want to sit in and cry all day – do it. If you want to use every possible opportunity to speak about her – do it. If you would rather avoid it altogether and hibernate on your own – do that too.
SELF CARE IS KEY
What can you do to get through the day? Take some time out for yourself to think about what feels right. If all of your friends are doing stuff then go and spend time with your family or someone who you feel comfortable talking about your parent with. Maybe a day of self care eating food, watching Netflix, playing video games or wearing a face mask is what will get you through. You treat yourself.
DON’T FEEL GUILTY
Most importantly, don’t feel guilty if you find yourself having a good day! It’s easy to catch yourself in a moment of joy and feel guilty or strange about enjoying yourself. We’ve all heard it thousands of times – but it’s what they would want.
SHARE THESE TIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS
LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT
Even just acknowledging that this day may be a little difficult for us means a lot. Just send a quick message, it doesn’t even have to be anything special like Sam said during the podcast:
“But I also have a couple of friends that, every single Father’s Day, will just send me either a love heart or just a hug. They literally do it constantly every single year. They’re the only messages I receive. But that literally just makes me smile.”
INVITE THEM ALONG
If you’re super close to your friend and they get on really well with your parents – why not invite them to whatever you’re up to? Don’t forget – they’re entitled to say no if they don’t want to but the thought means a lot. I for one love spending time with my friends’ families and that’s exactly what I’ll be doing this Sunday.
DON’T AVOID IT
Don’t avoid the conversation. If you do see your friend on Mother’s Day, ask them about their Mum or ask them how they’re feeling about it all. It’s important to feel like we can spend a few minutes acknowledging them on this day.
LISTEN TO OUR LATEST PODCASTWe hope you find something useful to lean on in this post! Don’t forget you can also listen to our podcast where we talk all about our own experiences of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day over the years!
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